Cigar Aficionado

Fight Fire With Drink

As a New Englander, I never expected to feel as though I were stepping out on a limb by taking an anti-Royalist position. But even here in the cradle of liberty the pending nuptials of a future British king is fomenting so much excitement that you wonder why we bothered with the War of Independence only to slaver over every detail of the very pomp and circumstance that we fought to free ourselves of.

My wife says it's "because it's so romantic."

Which apparently trumped all the "give me liberty of give me death" bravado I could muster, because on Friday morning three females in my house plan to switch on the television at dawn to watch the furtherance of empirical tyranny walk down the aisle in guise of romance.

Well, if you can't beat them, ridicule them, I always say. So I'll be there to kibitz, make fun of the wedding gown and strike a blow for freedom in the only way available to me at four o'clock in the morning: by mixing a drink.

This is a strategy that-unsurprisingly-has occurred to a number of others, even those who don't take my curmudgeonly view of the festivities. I've just been informed that Berry Brothers & Rudd, the London purveyor of wine and spirits that gave us Cutty Sark, has joined forces with The Bitter Truth, a German outfit (after all Prince William has much Teutonic blood on his father's side) to suggest a few cocktails using-again unsurprisingly-their products. Given my for taste for gin, I normally wouldn't have a problem with Brit hooch, except this one day I've set aside for protest. So I'll be drinking neither the Ginger Royale (is that the Ginger Quarter Pounder translated for the metric system?) nor the Wedding March, but see below for recipes.

A more to the point wedding drink (especially given the obsession with the fertility of the royal lineage) is an ale apparently created with Viagra by the British brewery BrewDog. Three bottles of Royal Virility Performance is said to deliver the dosage in one of the little triangular pills. The brew is also laced with other aphrodisiacs, including horny goat weed and chocolate. Of course, that's out of the question for me as this will be a family viewing and I can't risk another incident.

I could choose the very brand Champagne the royal couple will be sipping, which I'm told is Pol Roger NV Champagne. But that strikes me as very wannabe, especially if one weren't invited (which I wasn't as the Bettridges and the Windsors have been feuding for generations, and this blog is unlikely to help the situation).

No, I have chosen my drink to suit the hour and my anti-royal mood-a cocktail meant to sand the rough edges off enforced early morning appearances. The Bloody Mary, despite being named after an English monarch, is a red-blooded American drink, supposedly invented by Georgie Jessel. I've been making mine of late with Fat and Juicy Bloody Mary Mix, a product of Charleston, South Carolina, U. S. of A. The mix has got a great smoky taste, which appeals to my taste for cigars and barbecue. Come to think of it, maybe I'll  light up a smoke as my blow for freedom on the Royal Wedding Day. Just not a Churchill.

1.5 oz The King's Ginger Liqueur
4 oz Champagne

Pour a generous measure of The King's Ginger into a flute. Add chilled Champagne to taste.

1.5 oz Barcelo Gran Anejo Rum
.75 oz fresh lime juice
1 egg white
1 tsp sugar
2 dashes The Bitter Truth Jerry Thomas Bitters

Shake in an iced cocktail shaker and strain into a Martini glass.

"Similar sentiments north of the border in the colony of Canada--suggest you spice up the Bloody Mary and move to the Bloody Caesar" —May 1, 2011 11:18 AM
"I love your use of the "American" English language! Don't ever change. It's always a fun read!" —April 29, 2011 13:39 PM
"Good call!" —April 27, 2011 11:00 AM
"I to shall protest in the form of loud and obnoxious snoring! I shall then wake up and begin my day as though nothing has happened. If asked about it, I shall plead ignorance and return such questions with blank and confused stares. At the end of the day, I shall acknowledge the event by raising my glass of American Ales (many times) while smoking a Padron! All are welcome to join me." —April 27, 2011 09:50 AM
"Damn automatic spell checker! I think it's actually "kibitz" with one b" —April 27, 2011 04:07 AM
"Whaddayamean you'll "kibbutz?" They're not going to invite you into their commune. Did you mean "kibbitz?" You're so New England, dude. Good drinks! " —April 27, 2011 01:54 AM