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Peter Weller's Cigar Paradise

Africa, or finding the Founding Fathers (Rolling in Their Graves) While Smoking my Way Through Post-Apartheid Cape Town
Peter Weller
From the Print Edition:
Tyson vs. King, Jan/Feb 04

(continued from page 8)

"Can the dope, whoever's smoking it," I attempt to scream over the din.

"WE HAVE NO TIME FOR SUCH LUXURIES!!WE ARE FIXING THE WORLD AT THIS CONFERENCE, MY FRIEND!" waxes Alfred. And he bear-hugs the life out of me as Roger commands, "Our young friend 'Red' has something to say -- ridiculous no doubt, but no more idiotic than every other f*&%in' word spoken in the past hour. But since Red suffered the degradation of this hybrid confab of bullshit with no recourse, I believe we should give the c*%$ the f*&$#ing floor."

And thus "Red," in punked Blue hair, stands. His soft and juvenile tones begin, "I am 19 years…."

"JEEESSSUSSS, DON'T GIVE US YOUR F*&%$ING AGE! THE COPS ARE ALREADY COMING TO BUST US FOR ACTING LIKE MASSIVE LUNATICS AND ASSHOLES!"

"Sorry, Roger," apologizes the youth.

"No problem, Red," responds Alfred the Scot. "But get the f*&$# on with it before I smash the f*&$#ing table."

"Well…," Red softly continues. "I am African. And…I don't consider myself White African or Black African, nor South African or anything else other than…'African.' That said, I can tell you when I went with my father to vote, eight years ago, there we stood in line, for the first time, with blacks who cheered and chanted the songs of their ancestors and tribes. And it was so moving, my father began to weep. You see…ten years ago, this very hilarious yet pertinent fit of madness that I have witnessed tonight could not have happened in a public place among Africans, white or black. I have never heard anything quite like this tonight. And I am sure I never will again."

"You've swallowed the pill of truth there, Red!" says Alfred.

Red continues, "If indeed, we were all in the United States right now, I'll warrant we would have been behaving much more 'politically correct'."

"The truth! The truth! The almighty truth!" screams Alfred.


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