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Jack Bettridge

From Russia with Gloves Off

Posted: Jan 3, 2012 12:00am ET

Not much gets a rise out of me in the way of smoking paraphernalia anymore, but I have to confess to being knocked out by one Christmas gift this year. It's handsome, it's clever, it's diabolical, hell, it may even be illegal.

No, it's not a Cuban cigar. It's a pair of cigar scissors that seems to double as brass knuckles (rather in this case, stainless-steel knuckles). On the one hand, you get a firm, three-fingered grip on the side opposing the thumb as you carefully cut your cigar. On the other hand, doesn't this thing look gnarly?

I got it from my nephew John Wilkinson, who's a sonar operator in the Navy. He spotted these scissors during leave on his last voyage, which took him to (where else?) Russia, and alertly procured a pair, knowing his favorite uncle was in dire need of such a thing.

It's not only a conversation starter, it could also be a conversation stopper. Imagine you're enjoying a cigar in your favorite legal smoking haven, when suddenly someone interrupts your reverie, saying something like: "Do you have to smoke that nasty thing around me?" You calmly slip on the Fist of Doom Scissors (not their real name, all the packaging was in the Cyrillic alphabet, so I have no idea what they're called) and "biff, bam, piyooooo...," debate over.

But, of course, I abhor violence and am not suggesting anyone use these scissors for anything but for their intended purpose of snipping the heads off of cigars. But it's nice to know you could if you had to.

Cigar scissors close up.

Comments   6 comment(s)

Brandon Fedor — Austin, TX, USA,  —  January 3, 2012 11:44pm ET

I have a pair of them as well. They were being given out by Room 101 cigars at some point.

Rob Cox January 5, 2012 3:13pm ET

Not to burst your bubble, but Room 101 had these at their Cigarmageddon events.... Ask Matt Booth about them....

Thomas Puma — Staten island, New york, Usa,  —  January 5, 2012 6:50pm ET

They seem pretty cool. And useful for those times when you have to brawl at the cigar lounge.
"Fist full of doom scissors" lol January 5, 2012 7:11pm ET

Hi Jack,

Would you be able to post a picture of the packaging if you still have it. January 5, 2012 7:13pm ET

Hi Jack, would you be able to post a picture of the packaging if you still have it?

JACK BETTRIDGE — NEW YORK, NY, UNITED STATES,  —  January 5, 2012 9:47pm ET

Then I guess they're legal. Still cool the kid gave me a pair

Also, interesting to note that Room 101 in the novel 1984 was the torture chamber. A pair of these would have come in handy there, I bet.

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